everyone knows that halloween is a time for women to dress up like sluts. little girls who used to be princesses and cinderella are now naughty nurses and witches clad in sheer mini skirts. i’d like to see that witch hop onto a broom; there isn’t a single brew or eye of newt to remove that kind of splinter.
here is my predicament: I don’t want to dress up, I find it corny. The amount of work involved in finding/buying/making the costume is wasted time–it’s like spending a whole bunch of money on garbage bags, they are made to be trash and get thrown away. it’s not like you hold onto them or even reuse them. why invest? much like halloween.
going to a halloween costume party without a costume is also a retarded thing to do.

hi, i’m the asshole who is too good to look like the kind of asshole who dresses up for halloween.

i can never think of what to go as. obviously nothing that would cause me to get a splinter in my snatch, nothing that requires me to worry about my boobs accidentally being exposed, and nothing that is a shortened, transparent, sleazy rendition of an actual uniform.

for instance:
She’s a police woman who fights crime in fishnets and spiked heel knee high boots.
There is nothing like following the yellow brick road in her pleated porno skirt, all the better for the munchkins to see up oh, and toto is her bitch.

Pirates will never survive her; as the tiny and ferocious knife she hides in her cleavage will scratch them so horribly that they will be forced to become angry and rape the bad, bad piwench she is.
It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s SUPER SLUT! She can fly like a jet thanks to her aerodynamic push-up bra. The lack of panties keeps her light and fast. Be good or she’ll sit on your face and whip you with her red sequined cape.

I realize there are other options for women. I could go in some genderless costume. a bum. a ghost. a clown. none of those are appealing either. why can’t i just go as drunk girl? she could turn into party slut. by the end of the party i could have the best costume of all–my birthday suit! drunk girl could be like a super hero; she saves me from having to remember halloween at all. this year my costume is baggy jeans that can hold several bottles of liquor, a shot glass taped to my hand and a bucket looped into my belt. sounds sexy as hell to me.