This post was going to be about the difference between dreams and fantasy. Then I took a look at these so-called dreams of mine and realized the post should really be about how to figure out what you want. I believe this is called soul searching.
Probably it is something that takes a lifetime.
I may fall into the “eternal” search category.
Searching keeps me from having to make a commitment.
Who needs to actually be good at anything if they are testing the waters? When i pick up a guitar and suck at playing because I haven’t practiced…ever…it’s okay because it isn’t my calling. When I decide to get back to that novel I work on whenever the day job tortures me, I forcefully amend myself to become that best-selling novelist who haunts me…but the feeling passes and i go back to …life as usual.

What is it about usual life that prevents us from fulfilling ourselves? My real life has nothing to do with who I am. In fact, real life is a sedative. I take it every day and go about living conveniently so I don’t have to face the challenge of extrapolation. Going to work everyday, watching TLC, eating taco bell…, none of that is getting me there. And this is the annoying part–there is completely illusive. That could be why it is so easy to ignore; it isn’t on the map. This should be easy because it is 100% selfish. When the problem category is all about you, the solution is supposed to be self explanatory.
Barbara Sher wrote a novel “I Could Do Anything..If I Only Knew What It Was”. I’ve been paging through it, the title caught my attention. (Although I’m not really a believer in the “i could do anything…” part) She says “It’s possible to want too much happiness.”
At first I snickered at her for reprimanding a person for going for their gusto of happiness. Then I realizied if you actually do want to attain one of your many dreams you’ll probably need to make some cuts. Also, it seems that those of us who like to be chronically negative expect much more out of happiness. We’re waiting for our crowns and red carpet. This is probably because the negative type, pessimists they are– aren’t easily pleased. Give a pessimist $150 and the day off from work and they can still quibble about how their car sucks (brake lights were out) and how they feel like shit because they didn’t do all the stuff they needed to do with that day. Like, make all their dreams come true…
This complicates life because you want it to give you some plump, juicy lemons. when you get the regular lemons there isn’t much “extraordinary” you can expunge from them. So what’s the big deal?

if you like pain and confusion… join me in my journey of figuring out where we belong, what we want and how we’re going to get it.