After the begining of the school year life has finally become a normal routine again. The last 3 weeks have been me running around in circles wondering why the hell I’m not losing any weight from all the running!
Yes, I always have time to wonder why the hell I never seem to lose any weight no matter what I’m eating or actively punching. It’s a conundrum I haven’t figured out yet.
Here are some happenings that I’ve been involved in:
working on Saturdays
climbing ropes in the pouring down rain for hours and hours for a work retreat….on a saturday
training all new staff
stabbing bus drivers with epi-pens
standing on my feet for 8 hours under a tent and repeating the same thing over and over
being invited to visit my friend in France!
attending a relaxing, nontraditional wedding
joining a writing club
writing!
calling 911
multiple Invisalign appointments (I didn’t think it would really work but it does)
relying on public transportation (car has funny firechemical smell)
getting a raise!
still not having enough money
bachelorette partying
30 Day Challenge Internet niche marketing (a little money challenge I thought I’d try)
buying new jeans
new haircut
I’m sure I forgot a major life event in there somewhere. It’s been hecticly busy. Is hecticly a word?
I’m really happy that this time of year is over; although I do hate wishing time away. it’s always my crazy, busiest time of year and I’m proud to say I’ve made it through another begining fall semester without maiming, shouting at, kicking/punching or otherwise insulting anyone in my direct path. I’m not sure about anyone outside of that path, I try not to look there.
Today while walking down the hallway of the school I work at I passed by this:
I can’t even imagine what it must be like to come to America from wherever–and have to take a class on how to like us. I should have put my ear against the door to listen to what they were saying. If I really wanted to mess with them I could have waited for the session to end and then done the opposite of all the important information they just learned. But I’m really not a mean person–I just like seeing the pot get stirred…not with innocent people though I suppose. I always feel especially bad for the lost international students who are so timid and slight, I want to help them but I also kind of want to tip them over, like sleeping cows. sigh. i’m sorry you read this.
In an act of girlfriend duty today I went to see the movie The Dark Knight. My boyfriend shook in pure excitement in his seat and he kept saying “this is going to be so bad ass”. I haven’t a clue what excited him so, the $10.75 for IMAX tickets, the $4.50 for a fountain soda or the fact that the people 2 seats away brought in their 6 month old baby–but he was all wound up for BATMAN. woowee.
I put my negative attitude intact and kept the eyeball rolling to an “only when something unbelievable happens” condition–it was a good pact with myself b/c there wasn’t any way possible I could have rolled my eyes for a straight 2.5 hours–15 minutes in and I was pass-out-dizzy, so I didn’t roll my eyes again. It reminded me of the time I played the Deadwood (western on HBO) drinking game. I was supposed to take a shot of whisky at every swear word–EPIC FAIL. When “fuck” is said as freely as “the” I couldn’t even lift the glass to my lips anymore. Much like my eyes were a pinball in my head when Batman turned cell phones into sonar machines or when he fell/jumped from a penthouse window to land on a taxi and leave A-OK. The taxi wasn’t as strong as Batman. It got a little … dented. But hey, when he showed that taxi who Batman was my IMAX seat shuddered, so everyone wins.
I actually managed to enjoy this grim tale. When Batman’s car self-destructed into a motorcycle that he blazed off into the Gotham underworld on–I felt justice well up in my eye. yeah bitches, thats right batman has a carcycle!! eat that.
My parody of this silly, silly saga. I was reading along and had this nagging feeling that i could not ignore. I had to mock.
It is just another day in dreary, misty Cutlery County. I peeked out my little window. The earth was dark and squishy from constant rain and I thought to myself “that it is probably slippery”. I tended to fall down often because I have a psychological disorder that keeps me from having a brain. It’s called….something, I can’t remember but it is a very serious disorder and causes me to fall down stairs, run toward danger and realize way too late that I am doing something I shouldn’t be. This is how I met Deadward, but I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me start from the beginning. Read the rest of this entry »
miss Rialeilana, the Polynesian Princess herself, gave me some love in her blog.
Thanks Ria! So now i have something to write about on this memorial day monday…besides moping about 3 days off having gone by as fast as a kid with the cookie jar. 3 days of work would never have flew by like this…Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday move by glacier style…but Saturday, Sunday and Monday? right. they are over. over like george bush….the french roll…saying ‘thats hot’….over.
anywho..the 5 things “meme”.
I’m new to blogging and I feel too self-conscious using the word “meme”. why? because i don’t honestly know what it means and it is one of those jargon words that i feel i haven’t earned yet. so, much like i don’t shoot my mouth off about ‘modding’ my xbox—you’ll never see that word in my blog again.
*collective sighs of relief*
5 Things in my bag:
a pen to cross off to-do list items
my free credit report (never use freecreditreport.com)
BC pills–I never remember to take them so I carry them everywhere
my camera–i never know when I’ll run into brad pitt
a check for $46.31 that I’m veritably unable to actually remember to cash
5 Fav things in my bedroom:
I could try to make this interesting by saying stiletto heels, lube, a ceiling mirror, a sex swing and me–but I sold the heels on Craigslist, the lube got thrown away when i moved because i didnt want my mom to find it whilst innocently helping me, ceiling mirrors are only in by-the-hour hotels and I forwent leasing that room for this lousy condo, I did just see the sex swing at the Hustler store in New Orleans but I couldn’t justify taking it on the plane with me.
so the bedroom? it’s not the most interesting place.
5 Things I’ve always wanted to do:
take a sex swing as carry-on luggage
eat a giant steaming pot brownie for breakfast
beat up a one of those Paris Hilton type girls at the mall and then watch a crowd of people clap about it
buy a steak dinner for a homeless person
write a book that has a quirky cult following
5 Things I’m currently into:
not liking Hillary Clinton
Goodreads
taking the bus (gas is $4.19 a gallon and climbing)
Heroes–unfuckingbelievable, but good like pot in a brownie–i’m guessing.
Frutezia, it’s $8 wine–tastes like alcohol induced Clearly Canadian. delicious.
That’s it for 5 Things. I think after being tagged I’m supposed to tag others but I’m not really one to participate. Was I tagged? I don’t know.
Sorry it’s almost Tuesday.
“When a person really desires something, all the Universe conspires to help that person realize his dream.” -The Alchemist
This is one of those comfy quotes, laced with support dependent on your actions. If you can figure out your desires the Universe is gravitationally going to help it land into your lap.
I desire a high income job that allows me to sleep almost narcoleptically… and lets me use my awake time to name ice cream flavors for Ben & Jerry’s. This is probably more of a “want” than a “need”. Although, on any given February morning in Michigan, not getting out of bed is a strong need.
So maybe the actual need is to not live in Michigan.
We’ve got to break down our wants to figure out the true desires.
I, for example, don’t want to kill myself. so in order to not do that it seems as though changing my location could prolong my life. perhaps this could lead to happiness. It’s like the poster that hung in Mulder’s office in the X-Files; I Want To Believe.
Happiness. It’s gotta be out there right? Maybe it is alien. I want to believe. 
Am I being optimistic? Fuck, i feel that i am.
my apologies. this is so embarrassing.
to start figuring out what you want you have to narrow down the desires. If you’re like me you may not even have that many desires but you have tablets carved in stone of all the bullshit you definitely don’t want. That’s kind of good; you know the part of yourself that won’t settle. If you have 1,000 things you want you have to work on figuring out the most important for now. The problem with people who want it all is that they can’t focus and they end up with scraps and inaccurate details. Concentrate. pick a thing and do it well. if you want to be a gourmet cook but you also really want to be an opera singer and you can’t decide which is really the one you are going to excel at; guess what? you can sing and cook at the same time!
Maybe that is what the quote about the universe conspiring to help you realize your dreams is all about. Once you actually try, your attention is in one place instead of watching Hell’s Kitchen and American Idol, you’re in your element, standing at attention–your reward is…..it works out.
This post was going to be about the difference between dreams and fantasy. Then I took a look at these so-called dreams of mine and realized the post should really be about how to figure out what you want. I believe this is called soul searching.
Probably it is something that takes a lifetime.
I may fall into the “eternal” search category.
Searching keeps me from having to make a commitment.
Who needs to actually be good at anything if they are testing the waters? When i pick up a guitar and suck at playing because I haven’t practiced…ever…it’s okay because it isn’t my calling. When I decide to get back to that novel I work on whenever the day job tortures me, I forcefully amend myself to become that best-selling novelist who haunts me…but the feeling passes and i go back to …life as usual. Read the rest of this entry »
I don’t have the kind of boyfriend that recipricates dinner.
If/when i make dinner on any and every given night there is never any manifestation that i will receive a dinner on my behalf. That would be nice but it is not required. It does seem like common courtesy though, doesn’t it?
I do not give to get.
moving on….
tonight didn’t really feel like a cooking night…or a cleaning night. so..
i dug into my old recipes and pulled out an old time favorite. cheap wine and popcorn ala. at $3.49 a bottle and, well, a nearly illegal supply of Orville from Costco that probably equates to about .7 cents per bag (our box-o-popcorn actually expired in August 07′ but we’ve nearly gone through the entire box now. I will probably blog my incredible success the day i get through that…it’s been years in the making)
Good popcorn
Good wine
Good God
Lets dine
footnote: oh, and the wine was purchased from KMART. ya folks, i’m the real deal
Sunday was chilly. After a week of warm sunshine in Michigan we quickly forget that this place is 2 figurative steps away from Antarctica and we start wearing sandals and t-shirts the second there is no more snow on the ground. The sun was bright yesterday but it wasn’t creating any heat. Clouds cast shadows on my newly planted pansies; they shivered all day in the icy breeze skittering through. Poor pansies.
I left for work at 6:05pm. I was in a slump because Sunday night is usually spent lolling on my love seat recliner eating popcorn and reading trash novels. Once I got out and started working I was all right; it was only going to be a couple hours so I sucked it up and gave myself an internal beat-down for being so whine-y.
At 9PM, on my way out this guy shows up in our building asking about the bus system. He’d been waiting at a bus stop for 45 minutes and no bus went by. hmmm. the buses are supposedly running; we check the website. Yup, buses run till 12:15am. hmmm. he said he knew they were definitely running that day because that was how he came to be standing in the spot he was in. but now, at 9pm, he was stranded. we looked up different bus lines for him but they unfortunately didn’t have sunday service. shit. “okay, well, we can call you a taxi, how bout that?” “nah”, he says, “I’ll just walk, it’s colder than it looks outside.” we all agreed that it was and he went right and i went left. guilt was pressuring me to give him a ride but my brain was on a powerpoint presentation of slides showing what happens to girls who give strange men a ride home. it’s so stupid to be getting in a car and not giving the poor man a ride to his apartment. 20/20 has me paranoid and all i can think about is my inhumanity and how i am such a selfish person for not having some decency and courtesy. no way though, no way can i put this guy in my front seat and drive into the night. decency and courtesy is nice and so is not being strangled. so i pushed the radio dial on along with the heat– 93.9 had The Barenaked Ladies in their studio doing a live show. Within 60 seconds their song, Pinch Me, was welling in my ears and the lyrics go “I could walk but I’ll just drive / It’s colder than it looks outside”
The lyrics sharpened my senses–immediately I analyzed the entire evening for evidence. any evidence pointing to anything. unearthly coincidences are signs. that is just the way it goes in my world. it seemed so blatant that his last sentence was the lyric to a song i would go to my car and listen to. but, i haven’t figured out if it means anything. maybe a coincidence really is just a coincidence this time. the blaring obviousness of it makes me feel that the universe is trying to tell me something…and i am not interpreting it.
pot wafted through the plaza today. the university has been overstuffed with parents this weekend. they are busy taking their kids out to special dinners and standing in the type of lines that should lead to roller coasters but really only lead to cheap folding chairs you have to sit in; where there isn’t even a view of the stage. but the smell of pot billowing in the breeze reminded me of spring and dave matthews concerts. after my day of being the office dildo and learning i’d have to work this weekend, i left in feelings preoccupied with boredom and anxiety. the mixture is a strange hyperactive culmination that makes me strangely despondent and thirsty for beer. anyway, the pot reminded me of something jenny said last weekend. she showed up at my condo on friday night, an hour early, we were excited for our weekend of amy & jenny to begin. after 20 years of being best friends we still manage to get excited to see one another. we walked to the liquor store and picked out the items we’d pee out later. then sat in my living room, content in our moment of alcoholic reflection–in mid-moment Jenny stated “this would be way better if it were E” and then she gave her beer bottle the don’t-even-bother look a girl would give a no cha
nce guy at a bar. HAHA
Sorry i didn’t have any raver drugs, Jenny. better luck next time…
After working at UPS long enough to have a fan base George said, “it’s time to retire”. Jenny, his daughter said, “it’s time to saran wrap my dads car”.
Unbeknown to George; he whiled away his last day innocently delivering packages without a thought that his teal grand am was in jeopardy.
3,000 feet of saran wrap was being unloaded by a manic daughter, her anti-retirement boss and “Shaky”, a woman with Parkinson’s Disease who likes to get wild.
As you can see, wild is no lie.
CONGRATULATIONS GEORGE
